Moving from one home to another taxes our bodies a bit with the lifting, putting down and shifting. It’s also emotional, as the change in environment has the power to change how we feel. As a kid, I can only remember moving to a new home one time. I packed my own things, set aside old items to donate and was ready to see what this new home was all about. Fast forward to 2020, and I found myself moving again and this time to New York: where I’d always dreamed of living since I was a kid. Growing up watching TV sitcoms caused me to fall in love with what, to me, the city represented: independence, style and adventure. Little did I know, this major move would spark several more. Here are the 5 lessons I learned from all of my moves over the last five years.

Moving Requires Setting Time Aside Intentionally

Moving across the country during the 2020 pandemic taught me that I can do anything I put my mind to. I landed in Brooklyn, moved in with a friend’s friend, gained two more roommates and found myself juggling four jobs. It felt as if each of my roommates were on a similar path, leaving very little time for socializing between us and personal time for ourselves.

So, we would set dates for getting together and sharing lessons learned. This was also time to revisit house rules, followed by retreating to our individual rooms. We also encouraged each other to create and protect our solo time for taking baths, watching rom-coms or whatever else made us feel grounded. Prioritizing those things for ourselves and being each other’s reminder helped us to build cycles and regimens for ourselves. 

Isolating Yourself Without Community Can Be Taxing

Although I enjoyed learning and growing with my roommates, I deeply desired to live on my own. It’s how I imagined life would be for me once I got to New York and I had to bring that to life. In 2021, I’d found a studio, packed my things and moved to Harlem. Over the next several weeks, things would ramp up at work. I was flying home before I knew it for a project nearby. That same weekend, my uncle passed away. Because of a lengthy train ride for my Brooklyn friends to visit and my family living on the other side of the country, I felt isolated.

Life Changes May Require You To Move (Again) Sooner Rather Than Later

Although once you do find a good regimen with tapping into your community, and your new place starts to feel more like home, the last thing you’d expect to be doing is considering another move. Well, that’s exactly what happened. Months later, in 2022,  my brother passed and it devastated me. I became reconnected with a previous romantic connection, got back together and became pregnant. It was now time to find a space for three. And although I’d fallen in love with the flow of my life and my tiny space, I knew that the three of us could not make that life work. In 2022, we moved further into the east side of Harlem, near my then-boyfriend’s family, in pursuit of more space and support. 

Spending Time Away From Home Will Confirm Your Needs At Home

It turned out that the support we thought we’d receive, we did not. Now further away from my friends, and still in New York and away from family, I wondered what it was all for. And then I went into labor early, delivered at a specialized hospital in Long Island and ended up living there for four months. It was in none of our plans, my then-boyfriend nor myself, to uproot again and to an even more isolated area of the state. However, the care our daughter needed caused us to think about what home required.

At the top of the list was each other, but we wanted to return to a home that felt like home. That included the support we desired. Once we brought our daughter home, got into the swing of parenting and saw that we needed help, we decided to accept my family’s offer and move to California. In the summer of 2023, we left New York for Los Angeles. 

If You Leave Home Running and Return, What You Left Will Be Waiting For You 

We moved back into my childhood home with my father, mother, grandmother and dog. The joy of our baby would temporarily distract my family and I from the wounds of my brother’s passing, my uncle’s passing, etc. However, those things would rear their heads too; those things being my relationship with my mom. I was shocked to learn that my baby would be a catalyst for conversations about things my mom wished she did differently and me pursuing therapy. 

Moving is emotional. It’s leaving one version of yourself behind to find or be another. It’s distancing yourself from the memories created in that home to do the same elsewhere. Some of the angst I felt as a teen resolved, and part of it required me facing and overcoming it. In the thick of it, my then-boyfriend proposed, we began planning a wedding and our most recent move: a space for myself, my fiance and our baby. A court marriage later, and several blessings from God, we’re ending 2024 in our own home.

5 Lessons, 5 Moves

Overall, I’ve learned that something about putting things into motion causes other things to start moving literally and figuratively. With each move, I pushed myself to take things as they come, keep moving and growing. 

What have your moves taught you? Are you about to move and wondering how things will change? Share with us your journey.