The other day, I came across a TikTok video from content creator Deante Kyle (@deante_kyle) that struck a deep chord within me. He spoke about people’s fear of instability, preventing them from fully settling into their homes. His words resonated profoundly, as they perfectly captured my current situation and a pattern I’ve noticed in my life.

Takeaways New Hide ▲

Fear of instability can

prevent people from fully

settling into their homes

Unpacked boxes and bare

walls reinforce a constant

feeling of impermanence

Creating a true home

requires intentionally claiming

comfort and permanence now

Caring for plants symbolizes

embracing rootedness and

nurturing stability at home

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❯

Living out of suitcases and boxes has become my norm these past five months in my new apartment. At first glance, it might seem like simple procrastination or the busy nature of life keeping me from unpacking. But beneath the surface lies a deeper truth—a persistent fear that has been shaping my life habits for years.

This fear isn’t unfounded; it’s rooted in lived experience and trauma, particularly from the 2008 recession that turned my world upside down. Like many others who experienced significant loss during that time, I’ve developed a complex relationship with the concept of “home” and what it means to truly settle in.

@deante_kyle

MOVE IN, UNPACK THEM BOXES, EXPRESS YOURSELF #onthisday

♬ original sound – Deante.Kyle

The Weight of Past Trauma

The 2008 recession left an indelible mark on my life. My family lost everything materially, and the recovery process was long and painful. That experience taught me how quickly stability can crumble, instilling a deep-seated fear of settling down and becoming too comfortable.

The loss wasn’t just financial—it was emotional and psychological. Watching our livelihood dissolve taught me harsh lessons about attachment and permanence. Every box I packed during that hurried move became a reminder of how temporary everything could be. The sight of moving boxes still triggers memories of that frantic period, making each subsequent move a complex emotional journey.

This pattern continued in my previous apartment, where I lived for five years but took three years to finally feel safe enough to unpack and truly make it my home. It’s a strange paradox—wanting to create a comfortable living space while simultaneously maintaining an escape route.

The Current Reality

Now, as I sit in my new apartment, surrounded by unopened boxes and packed suitcases, I’m acutely aware of how the current economic climate fuels these old fears. The uncertainty of the economy and its potential impact on my future have kept me in a state of temporary living, despite having signed a lease and physically moving in.

Every news headline about inflation, housing market instability, or economic downturn reinforces my hesitation. The boxes remain unpacked, serving as both a safety net and a prison of my own making. My space feels like a waiting room rather than a home, and this liminal existence has begun to take its toll on my mental well-being.

A Moment of Clarity

But watching Kyle’s video sparked something in me. It made me realize that while uncertainty is a constant in life, denying myself the comfort and joy of a real home isn’t protecting me—it’s just punishing me.

In his video, he spoke about how living in fear of the future robs us of the present moment’s potential for joy and growth. His words echoed in my mind as I looked around at my half-lived life, and I realized how much energy I was expending on maintaining this state of permanent impermanence.

So today, I’m making a conscious decision. I’m giving myself permission to fully move in. This means more than just unpacking those boxes that have remained untouched for months. It means finally using those new pots and pans I’ve been saving “for later,” hanging up artwork instead of leaving bare walls, and making my space feel like a true home rather than a temporary shelter. While I can’t predict what the future holds or where the economy will go, I can choose to live fully in the present. Living in fear of potential loss robs us of the joy of current possibilities.

Moving Forward

The process won’t be easy—years of ingrained habits and fears don’t dissolve overnight. But I’m committed to taking small steps each day: unpacking one box at a time, allowing myself to buy plants that need tending, and slowly transforming this space into somewhere I truly want to be.

Sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is allow ourselves to feel at home, even in an uncertain world.

Today, I choose to be brave. And tomorrow, I’ll choose it again, one unpacked box at a time.