Should You Have Separate Bedrooms With Your Partner? - Home & Texture
Bedroom Sleep Divorce

The Sleep Divorce Debate: Should You Have Separate Bedrooms With Your Partner?

Moving in together means spending every night with each other, right? For some couples, that's not the case.

By
June 7, 2024 at 6:19 PM PST
Bedroom Sleep Divorce

The Sleep Divorce Debate: Should You Have Separate Bedrooms With Your Partner?

Moving in together means spending every night with each other, right? For some couples, that's not the case.

By
June 7, 2024 at 6:19 PM PST

Picture this: you’re cozying up with your partner in bed after a long day. You finally fall into the cloud-like softness of your mattress, and the warm comfort of their body embraces you. Closing your eyes and drifting off to sleep, your sweet dreams are immediately interrupted by a loud noise in your ear. Awoken by their incessant snoring again, only one thought comes to mind: I wish I were sleeping alone. Does this mean it is time to call it quits? Well, not exactly. Being annoyed by each other’s bedroom quirks isn’t necessarily a sign that your relationship is in trouble, but it might indicate that you would benefit from “sleep divorce.”

What is sleep divorce?

Although the term sounds harsh, it’s probably not what you think. Sleep divorce doesn’t require a breakup playlist. It’s an agreement between couples to sleep away from each other for better quality rest, and it’s not uncommon. Sleep divorces are rising in popularity, with partners more willing to give them a try. A survey by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found that more than one-third of people occasionally or consistently sleep in another room from their partners. Furthermore, TikTokers are sharing their experiences with the relationship trend. Some users even choose sleep divorce over conventional bedroom sharing to avoid sacrificing their interior design autonomy.

Photo credit: LumiNola

How much sleep do we need?

You may love sleeping more than your partner does, or vice versa. Nevertheless, we all deserve to experience deep, peaceful slumber. According to the CDC, adults need at least seven hours of it every day (not just on weekends). But getting good sleep is not always as easy as swapping a flat pillow for a fluffy memory foam one.

Numerous aspects of our lives can affect the quality of our sleep and our capacity to maintain our health. This challenge is even greater when your bed habits or routine don’t align with your partner’s. Poor sleep significantly impacts productivity, among other factors. It can cause irritability and mood changes, leading to spats and feelings of resentment.

Should you try a sleep divorce?

Yes and no.

The answer depends on how you feel about your sleep quality with your partner and whether you are comfortable with the idea that separation could impact intimacy.

Snoring, blanket-snatching, conflicting schedules and a lone habit of binging Netflix series until 2 a.m. are just a few reasons couples may consider a sleep divorce. Oh, and the whole wanting to decorate your own bedroom thing. Much of our choice to move in together centers around being closer to our partners, so initiating a conversation about reversing that can be risky. Moreover, taking the plunge might adversely affect your connection with your partner.

“Your relationship might suffer, especially if one person doesn’t want to sleep apart or doesn’t like the new sleeping environment,” said Dr. Stephanie Collier, a psychiatrist at Harvard-affiliated McLean Hospital.

If you’re experiencing poor sleep with your partner and are sure you want different sleeping arrangements, approach the topic gently, listing out all the pros and cons before shopping the housing market for a two-bedroom place. Haven’t made up your mind yet? Consider getting a sleeper sofa for exhausted nights when you’re in the mood for alone time.

Ultimately, every relationship is different. What works in yours may not work in others. It’s best to discuss your needs and concerns with your partner directly to figure out an ideal compromise you both can accept.




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